I have been working on my next book release, Blade Breaker (Shadow Wolf Sagas #1) and I am somewhat busy. So instead of a regular post today I am going to indulge in my interest in politics.
Some of you may not know this, but I am an ardent supporter of the Free Peoples of Middle Earth. I cannot understand why any reasonable person would ever supports Sauron. Yeah, I know Denethor and Boromir failed, and Frodo did not live up to expectations, but I could never bring myself to support a faction that is directly associated with Melkor. I mean seriously, that dude will destroy the planet to get what he wants.
Now I know that will rile some of you up. So, in an effort to understand the other side I have sent veteran reporter Stinkyknob Spleenripper the half-troll out to ask orcs, men, and others why they support Sauron. Here are some of the opinions we gathered.
Sharku, goblin warg rider
“I don’t really care about him, but I don’t care about Gandalf or Minas Tirith either. I don’t support either side, deep down. But I think it would be funny if someone like Sauron actually won. It might shake things up in Middle-Earth.”
Bolg, son of Azog (note that Bolg did this interview on the condition that we point out that he was also in the books, or as he put it, the not bad version of the Hobbit)
“Sauron says what he means and doesn’t mince words. He isn’t afraid of what anyone thinks of him. I’m tired of the political correctness of the Free Peoples. I mean if I want to call Dwarves and Hobbits stunties, isn’t that my right? If I want to chop them up and eat them, isn’t that part of my culture and heritage? We need a leader like Sauron to stop this tide of Free Peoples before they tear down the border walls of Mordor and let all these jerks in. Have you ever seen an elf work a day in your life? No.”
Gorbag, a Captain at the Black Gate
“Sauron is strong on security. He is the best leader. After the fall of Isengard that is exactly what we need. If you don’t like a fiery giant eye watching you, I have to ask what you have to hide? You’re probably soft on Rohorim. Where do you think all the grass in Mordor went? That’s right, the horses ate it. They ate or grass. Sauron is the only one who can save Middle-Earth.”
Olog-Hey, a Cave Troll
“Middle-earth is broken. I support Sauron because we need to hit rock bottom before we can fix anything. We need to break the system before we can get anywhere. I mean look at all these Free Peoples leaders. Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel… they’re all basically the same. They aren’t fixing anything! They nearly gave the ring to that monster Boromir for fuck’s sake!”
“Sauron has executive experience. He’s a Necromancer. I think that a guy who can get the economy of Mordor running efficiently can do a better job with Middle-Earth than career leaders like Denethor and Theoden.
Sauron knows how to negotiate. He is the most convincing man you have ever met. Trust me on this. No one else would have been able to get this ring on on my hand. Once he told me about his tax plan, I just couldn’t resist.
Sauron will make Middle Earth great again. Then we will finally be able to show the Noldor that we are the greatest land of all!”
“I saw a Hobbit yesterday, outside of the Shire! They love drugs and will eat all of our food. We need better border security. Only Sauron has a plan that will guard all of the approaches from the West. Only Sauron is willing to use Giant Spiders to protect us.”